BLOG: How to Write a Paper in College

  1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your laptop.
  2. Log onto Facebook and Twitter. Check your email.
  3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
  4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
  5. Check your email.
  6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
  7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
  8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
  9. Check your Twitter.
  10. You know, you haven’t written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You’d better write that Facebook message now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
  11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
  12. Download the new Bassnectar mp3 off iTunes.
  13. Check your Twitter.
  14. Facebook chat with one of your friends about the future (ie summer plans).
  15. Play Temple Run.
  16. Listen to your new music and download some more mp3s.
  17. Call your friend in the other dorm and ask if he’s started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your professor, the course, the college, the world at large.
  18. Walk to Tuscany’s and buy a smoothie. You need some brain juice!
  19. While you’ve got the smoothie, you may as well buy a magazine and read it.
  20. Check your Twitter.
  21. Flip through every channel on cable to make sure you’re not missing any shows that are legen…(wait for it)…dary.
  22. Play Temple Run.
  23. Check out
  24. Wash your hands.
  25. Text a friend to see how much they have done, even though they probably haven’t started either.
  26. Look through your roommate’s old Facebook pictures from high school. Ask who everyone is.
  27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
  28. Check to see if you have any new retweets.
  29. Listen to Adele and tweet about how you’re better off single.
  30. Read over the assignment one more time, just to make sure you REALLY understand.
  31. Play Temple Run.
  32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
  33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
  34. Punch the wall and break something.
  35. Check your Twitter.
  36. Mumble obscenities.
  37. 5am – start hacking on the paper without stopping. Proofreading is for the weak!
  38.  6am – paper is finished.
  39. Complain to everyone that you didn’t get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
  40. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.

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